Monday, April 07, 2008

it's done

We buried my dad today.

Everyone tells me that now the grieving can begin.  I'm not sure how I ended up planning the funeral, but I did.  I got so busy with details (where to eat after?, who'll read scriptures?, what color coffin?, who's willing to sing?, will there be enough seating for the family?) that I didn't really feel like I could grieve.

It's almost like the family's job at funerals is to make others feel well.  I'm not saying that it's a bad thing, but it is a thing.  Everyone wanted to tell me about my dad and how he impacted their lives.  Don't get me wrong...it's nice.  It's just that now that all those folks are at home, I get a chance to breathe and think about my dad.  And the fact that he's dead.  And how that makes me very sad.

I'm exhausted.  I'm ugly from crying.  And I miss my dad.
Posted by Dawn at 20:46:56 | Permanent Link | Comments (11) |
Comments
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1 - I'm SO sorry.

We have a funeral (somewhat unexpected) for my aunt this week...and I know...there's nothing really to say.

Just that I am SO sorry. I can't imagine your pain. Truly. (Comment this)

Written by: jesspond at 2008/04/07 - 21:26:58
2 - A long time ago, a guy I worked with lost his brother in a tragic accident. (He drowned trying o rescue a friend.) I had just started the job and didn't know the guy that well, so I was not going to go to the visitation. Then another guy in the office told me he was going, but said, "The thing is, I have no idea what to say." And that's when I realized why I didn't want to go: I had no idea what to say.

So I went. Nearly 2000 people went; it was the biggest wake I have ever seen. And nobody knew what to say. But we were there, and I don't regret it.

We're all here for Dawn, too. (Comment this)

Written by: Opie at 2008/04/07 - 22:22:56
3 - **sitting on the couch next to Opie** I am here too. (Comment this)

Written by: cbean at 2008/04/08 - 12:27:52
4 - I am so sorry. I'm sending you a big hug. (Comment this)

Written by: Jen at 2008/04/08 - 15:46:27
5 - I know what you mean about taking care of others at the funeral. I remember that. Though when it came time to actually bury my dad I finally couldn't contain my grief any longer.

I am so very, very sorry for your loss. You are in my thoughts. (Comment this)

Written by: sizzle at 2008/04/08 - 16:42:17
6 - My heart goes out to you, Dawn. I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope you take all the time you need, whenever you may need it. (Comment this)

Written by: justrun at 2008/04/08 - 18:20:47
7 - thank you for sharing so much of your life with us. you are really an inspirational woman whose blog that I don't comment on often but read very often. From your honesty about your faith, how you deal with conflict, how you relate to others (dudes included) :) to how you feel about yourself and the decisions you make. im sure i dont speak 4 myself when i say that we appreciate your being candid and honest. take as long as you need to grieve, be sad and cry.its ok....we are praying for your peace.

sandy (Comment this)

Written by: Anonymous at 2008/04/08 - 20:56:24
8 - thank you for sharing so much of your life with us. you are really an inspirational woman whose blog that I don't comment on often but read very often. From your honesty about your faith, how you deal with conflict, how you relate to others (dudes included) :) to how you feel about yourself and the decisions you make. im sure i dont speak 4 myself when i say that we appreciate your being candid and honest. take as long as you need to grieve, be sad and cry.its ok....we are praying for your peace.

sandy (Comment this)

Written by: sandy at 2008/04/08 - 20:57:12
9 - I lost my dad suddenly while I was in the Navy, and my ex had offered to give me the $ to go home for the funeral. I turned it down. My dad and I weren't close. I am almost sure that your family members are very grateful for the help in arrangements. I had to help my ex by working with a member of his mother's family with her funeral because he was a basket case. I pray that you will reach out to Our Heavenly Father for comfort. REV. 21:4 J.K. (Comment this)

Written by: Anonymous at 2008/04/10 - 03:14:09
10 - Jess: thanks!

Opie: thanks so much, I really appreciate it. The crazy part is, I don't know what to say either. People ask how I'm doing and I'm just honest...crappy. Maybe soon enough, I'll be able to soften that up a bit.

Cbean: thanks girl!

Jen: thanks...just what I needed!

Sizz: oh, don't worry...there was weeping and gnashing of teeth courtesy of yours truly at the family viewing before the funeral.

Justrun: I plan on it...just found out that my job gives us bereavement days. That's a good thing.

Sandy: thanks so much!

Anon: I have and I will! (Comment this)

Written by: Dawn at 2008/04/10 - 20:03:40
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