Are You There God? It's Me, Dawn

I visited a church today...it was nice. 

Okay worship, the kind that you'd hear on your local "contemporary" christian station.  I'm on the record as not liking the local "contemporary" christian station (wherever local may be), but in context I can deal with it.

Very good message...but given via video feed!  I'd never seen anything like this before.  There was no pastor, but we all gathered together to watch a screen.  Odd.  Good message nonetheless.

Homogenous.  In this case, it means the congregation was all White.  *sigh*  I have beef with homogenous church...I believe strongly that churches shouldn't be all White, or all Latino, or all Black.  Just all Christian.  If I were planning on living in the Black neighborhood in Heaven, then I'd be fine with all Black church...but from everything I've gathered, Heaven takes all believers.

How can we be more intentional with Christian integration?  Martin's dream hasn't busted through the doors of churches yet...what can we all do about that?

Our sources have been told that Dawn, who resides in a small town in Wisconsin, is experiencing the lethal combination of PMS and sadness.  Side effects can be, but may not be limited to: witchiness, short-temper, lack of sense of humor, and unrealistically high expectations of others.

Please be aware that Dawn is extremely dangerous and it is not recommended that you try to cheer her up by yourself.  Call your local authorities if you see someone fitting this description and be advised to approach (should you dare) with caution.

It should also be noted that she will more than likely be with what appears to be an accomplice, but he is in fact the fabulous man, aka Mr. Fab, that she is dating.  This poor soul doesn't need to be turned in, but in actuality just needs a hug...and perhaps a beer.

In the last three weeks, I’ve learned…

…I can be completely and utterly surprised by something, but can rest assured that God is never surprised

…God truly is in control

…the fabulous combo of working out and consuming an inane amount of sweets is good for the soul

…I have a lot of friends

…and they like me, they really like me!

…people are more patient that I would ever have thought

…you have to write thank you notes for people who come to a funeral (I’m all for etiquette, but WTF?!)

…saying, “my father just died” makes for awkward moments in conversation (but I say it anyway)

…I really like blogging, so as Arnold said rather eloquently (and perhaps ominously), “I’ll be back”

So life is pretty much back to normal.  Going to work, running, having fun with friends...except it's always there in the back of my mind.

We haven't cleaned out my dad's house...not looking forward to that.  But all in all, things are going well for me.  Sadness is the undercurrent of my life, but it's not in the forefront and for that I'm thankful.

I feel at a loss for things to say these days...been thinking of not blogging for a while.  Not because I don't enjoy it or enjoy you all...it's just that I really don't have anything to say beyond, "my dad is dead." 

If I go away, that's why...and I'm sure I'll be back.

Just started running again after being off for winter.  I hadn't hit the road since last November.

It was ugly folks.

I'm pretty sure there was a nine minute mile sighting...*sigh*

Gotta start somewhere right?

That movie Juno must have been written for ladies whose dads have died suddenly, because I laughed so hard that others around me were laughing more at me than the movie I think!  I just couldn't help myself.

Overall, my mood is sad, but I've got to get on with life, so I went in to work today for a couple of hours.  Cried some when people came in to ask me about my dad...and then some more when I read the cards that people had sent.

Had to work out...oh my gosh!  Before yesterday, I hadn't worked out since the day he passed away...that's a week ago!  Yeah, I'll be sore.

Then off to get a passport pic taken, because Mr. Fab and I are going to Ecuador this summer.  Can I describe the photo in detail for you?  Hideous!  And no, I'm not being modest...just factual.  I told the lady at Walgreen's that I'd pay for those pics, but I'd be coming back tomorrow with makeup on!  I don't want customs agents trying to figure out what happened to me...ewww!

Tried to do my taxes (yep, still haven't done them) but TurboTax jacked them up, so I might have to take them to an accountant.

Listened to churchy music...cried again.

It still sounds weird to my ears:  my dad's dead.  I loved him y'all.  A whole bunch.

But he raised a tough cookie...so tough I will be (through the tears).

We buried my dad today.

Everyone tells me that now the grieving can begin.  I'm not sure how I ended up planning the funeral, but I did.  I got so busy with details (where to eat after?, who'll read scriptures?, what color coffin?, who's willing to sing?, will there be enough seating for the family?) that I didn't really feel like I could grieve.

It's almost like the family's job at funerals is to make others feel well.  I'm not saying that it's a bad thing, but it is a thing.  Everyone wanted to tell me about my dad and how he impacted their lives.  Don't get me wrong...it's nice.  It's just that now that all those folks are at home, I get a chance to breathe and think about my dad.  And the fact that he's dead.  And how that makes me very sad.

I'm exhausted.  I'm ugly from crying.  And I miss my dad.

I really appreciate all of you all's kind words...it means a lot.

My dad's funeral is on Monday.  In the meantime, we're picking out coffins and vaults and funeral clothes...it pretty much sucks.

Everyone loved my dad, so I anticipate approximately a million and twenty five people will come up to me over the weekend to offer kind words.

What's made things a tiny bit better?  Mr. Fab came with me.

Thanks again y'all.

I'm sad.

My dad just died suddenly of a heart aneurysm.

I probably won't be around for a while.

So my college coach used to always correct us when we asked if practice was done.  He'd always say, "turkeys are done...people are finished."

Well, stick a fork in me 'cause I'm done!  Done fighting it...done over analyzing it...done pretending it isn't what it is.

I heart Mr. Fab!!  (And he hearts me!)