Are You There God? It's Me, Dawn

So there’s a lady at work that drives me absolutely bonkers…I just don’t like her.

Her voice irritates me.
She dresses horribly (which also bothers me).
She’s awkward to talk to (make eye contact please!).

It’s not like I didn’t try, because I did!  When she needed help with a fundraiser (involving sixty little kids and very little organization or outside help), I did it.  Though, I will say that she kinda tricked me into it.

*setting the scenario*

I walk into the office and she says, “hey Dawn, what are you doing this weekend?”

I, of course, think that she’s going to ask me to hang out and I am in desperate need of friends, so I say, “nothing!”

She goes, “great, can you help me with this fundraiser…that I’m not going to be in town for, from which you will get none of the credit or funds?”

She didn’t say that last part, but that’s generally what she meant.

Anyhoo, four hours and sixty kids later (who were all hopped up on Mountain Dew and Airheads), I made it through.

And she never said thank you!  She wasn’t at her own fundraiser and I helped and she never said thank you! Can you believe that? 

So all of that makes her voice a little more irritating, her clothes a bit more ugly, and her behavior that much more awkward.

I’m not really sure what the point of this is beyond the fact that I’m crabby and she drives me crazy.

Am I the only one with that person that drives them batty?

...I could draw
...I wasn't so soft hearted
...that my grandma were still alive
...I was more consistent
...I was married
...I had kids
...I could find what I'm looking for
...I know what I was looking for
...I knew what's going to happen next

So I was watching SportsCenter this morning and Tom Brady* came on and I thought...he's alright looking.  But certainly not hot enough to be dating a supermodel.  Hmmmpft.

Then I snapped into some weird dreamlike state and thought about how I would react if Tom Brady came up to me and said, "Dawn, I've been secretly reading your blog and I totally agree that Christianity in America needs to change or die.  I mean, it's got to be less about issues and more about relationships."

I'd look at him skeptically and he'd respond to the look with the comment that brings me to my knees..."I recycle too."

Then I'd swoon.

Then I'd start introducing him as My Hot Boyfriend Thomas (sounds more sophisticated, right?) and when I snapped back to reality, I was a little more ready to say that Tom Brady is pretty amazing looking.


*If you don't know who Brady is (seriously?!!), just google him...there'll be pictures.  Oh yes, there'll be pictures.

Check out Jonathan's post over at The Theos Project...it's good stuff.

It's about making the church more viable.  You may not agree, but it'll give you something to think about.  Here's a teaser:

Make a mess
Many American churches look great on the surface. Really. We can have great worship experiences, hear good sermons, and have nice outreach programs. But in my opinion the body of Christ should be a community where one's ugliest sides of life are just as important to know as the good stuff. Most of us just bury it all inside; nobody really cares, anyway, so we all just deal. My thought: You aren't in real fellowship until other believers know the real you. So, make a mess of things. It's ok to live in a messy church.

Is it possible that I'm not made for relationships?

I gave New Dude the boot last night.  He's got issues that I wasn't prepared to deal with...so I figured I should end it all.  And well before V-Day, because he was planning some major shenanigans. 

I realized that I liked having someone to talk to, text and hang out with...but it wasn't specific to him...does that make sense?  Someone, not him...that's a big difference.

I wonder if I'm too quick to end things.  If I subconsiously pick the wrong men.  Maybe I don't really want things to work out...maybe I'm too afraid of the unknown.

Anyhoo, I'm not all torn up about it, so it must be alright.  I'm more worried about the pattern than the man.  I don't think I'm doing a good job of picking.

So the next chapter in the UnChristian book (link to the right) is about homosexuality.  Remember the book is about how people who identify themselves as non-Christians see Christians, hitting on different topics. 

Anyhoo, one of the things that struck me was that when people hear that I'm a Christian, they automatically assume that I don't like or hate homosexuals.  It's one of the identifying marks of a Christian by those that don't share the faith.

This topic also goes back to the first one...hypocrisy.  You see, us Christians say that gays are going to hell because of their lifestyle...but we tolerate fornication, adultery, oral sex, so many forms of sexual sin.  Interesting huh? 

That's where we lose credibility.

I don't want to be associated with those crazies who hold placards that say, "God hates gays!"  But unfortunately...I am.  I want to change that image, but how?  How do I show them that they are more than who they have sex with? 

Honestly...how many single hetero Christians do you know that are having sex?  Living together?  Had kids out of wedlock?

We've got to get over ourselves.

The rules: you select shuffle on your iPod or iTunes and plug in the songs as the answers to the questions.  No cheating!

Feel free to steal this for your blog.  It (stealing) is all the rage…I stole this from Sizzle.

If someone says, “Is this okay?” what do you say?
Nightingale, Norah Jones (that makes no sense)

How would you describe yourself?
Liquid Diamonds, Tori Amos (that’s better!)

What do you like in a guy or girl?
Fit But You Know It, The Streets (ain’t that the truth!)

How do you feel today?
Writer’s Block, Peter Bjorn and John (I guess that’s why I’m meme-ing huh?)

What is your life’s purpose?
Cherish The Day, Sade (ha, that’s awesome)

What is your motto?
Teach U A Lesson, Robin Thicke (gosh, I hope not)

What do your friends think about you?
I Can’t Help It, Michael Jackson (that’s a good attitude to have, can’t worry about what others think…to a certain extent of course)

What do your parents think of you?
Strength, New Life Community Choir featuring John P. Kee (that’s probably true)

What do you think about very often?
Paradise, Sade (hmmm…two Sade songs came up randomly, that’s weird)

What is 2 + 2?
Hundred, The Fray (great song...though that's not the correct answer to the question)

What do you think of your ex?
Old School, Lisa McClendon (ha…that’s true, finally)

What do you think of the person you like?
Round Here, Counting Crows (yes he is, but not too much…which is a good thing)

What is your life story?
Redemption Song, Bob Marley & The Wailers (hadn’t really thought about it like that, but sure!)

What do you want to be when you grow up?
All For Love, Hillsong United (that’s a good one!  As my church down in H-town said: Love Wins!)

What do you think when you see the person you like?
Matchbox, Jonny Lang (huh?)

What will they play at your funeral?
Why Should I Cry For You, Sting (dang!)

What is your hobby/interest?
Apache, The Sugar Hill Gang (I suppose I’m interested in dancing and this song certainly makes me dance…“Tonto, jump on it!”)

What is your biggest fear?
Harlem’s Nocturne, Alicia Keys (I guess I’d be afraid in Harlem at night)

What is your biggest secret?
Sing Like The Saved, David Crowder Band (hmmm…I do sing a lot, but I suck [and that's no secret!], so I don’t know what that means)

What do you think of your friends?
I’m Still In Love With You, Al Green (I am! I am!)

So the first time New Dude came over, I had to give him the obligatory house tour.

You know...this is the living room, here's the kitchen, blah, blah, blah.  Then we went upstairs and I'm like, this is the bathroom and *opening the bedroom door halfway* this is where the magic happens.

I'm sure he was thinking, what special kind of whore says that about her bedroom?

Then I opened it up all the way, revealing the iron and ironing board set up in the corner.  "Oh, I meant the ironing board...what did YOU think I was talking about?"

Hee hee.

Front that point on, his pet name for me has been Goofy.  How romantic! 

Just got back from the gyno...haven't had that much action in years!

*smoking cigarette*