Are You There God? It's Me, Dawn

Is there such a thing as sporadic ADD?  'Cause if there is, then I've got it.  Most times I can focus, but sometimes I can't, this is one of those times. 

I’ve got to come clean.  Look to the right of this entry…below the advertisement…below that picture of moi…below my 100 things…to the calendar.  Ummm, a couple of weeks ago I noticed that I had a pattern started…a checkerboard pattern.  See it?  I’m admitting now that I’ve actively maintained that pattern, only posting on days that kept it going.  Gosh, that’s embarrassing.

Do you ever wonder where we get certain expressions from?  Like, “it’s raining cats and dogs.”  Huh?  Has there ever been a point in time when domestic animals fell from the sky?  It just doesn’t make sense…and how did it catch on?  Did no one question the validity of this phrase?

I hate doing my hair, but I love saving the money and the time.  Right now I’m looking like a little brown q-tip, so I need to bite the bullet and git ‘er done.  (another weird phrase: “bite the bullet”…isn’t that dangerous?)

I was at the gym this morning and wondered what folks were listening to on their iPod’s.  I do that a lot, because I love listening to mine and it’s such a weird mix.  Today I had a little Diana Ross (I’m Coming Out), Sugar Hill Gang (Apache), Beasties (Brass Monkey), and Thelma Houston (Don’t Leave Me This Way).  As soon as disco comes on, my RPM’s raise up in a hurry.

Okay, I’m not the world’s biggest shopper, but I’m a lady who lunches now, so I have a bit more time on my hands.  I went to Ann Taylor the other day and got a silk skirt for twenty dollars!  Woot, woot!!

I guarantee you’ll fall off of your chair if you watch this SNL skit…it’s my favorite.  Debbie Downer is a classic and it’s what we started calling folks when they're in a bad mood at work.

As of last Thursday, I became a Lady Who Lunches. I’m sure you’ve seen those ladies who get all dressed up just to have lunch with their friends…and that’s pretty much all they’ve got to do. Well, that’s me in the summertime.

I went to this cool little coffee shop that I like and since it wasn’t horribly hot, I sat outside. Somehow over the course of my life, I’ve developed a love of birds. Big ones, little ones, screeching ones, and melodious ones…I love them all.

I watched cute little birds hop, hop, hop in search of any bread scraps that had fallen by the wayside. While they munched, I thought about how God provides for all of our needs…even the smallest of us. Maybe there were no worms, so God sent us to eat our sandwiches and as a byproduct, to feed His creation.

What a lesson in faith! I’m sure the birds weren’t stressing about the low level of worms in the pantry…about how they were going to feed the family. They trust that food will be there when they need it…and there it was.

That was a lesson I needed today, because I stress, wring my hands, bang my head against the wall, and get vexed when a problem presents itself. I wonder if that’s because I lack that “mustard seed” faith.

So I thank God for reminding me that He is indeed God and if I need it…He’ll provide it.

Do you ever look at a baby with a sense of wonder, because they’re so teeny and so cute?  ‘Cause I do.

Do you ever see a lady who’s wearing a bra that doesn’t support her ta tas and want to give her some unsolicited advice?  (Hint:  raise them like a flag girl!)  ‘Cause I do.

Do you ever thank God for the awesome things He’s done in your life?  ‘Cause I do. (though not as often as I should)

Do you ever watch those infomercials at night and wonder who’s buying what they’re selling?  ‘Cause I do.

Do you ever watch cop shows and wonder why all the female cops have huge boobs and inversely small shirts?  ‘Cause I do.

Do you refuse to wear flip flops when your toenails aren’t done?  ‘Cause I do.

Do you still get butterflies when a new prospect appears?  ‘Cause I do.

Do you listen to disco and old eighties music when you workout?  ‘Cause I do.

Do you eat ice cream everyday?  ‘Cause I do.

Do you think that's enough for tonight?  'Cause I do. 

So I've got a bit of a pet peeve.

You know how when you're walking down a hallway and it's just you and another person, you kinda make eye contact and maybe even give each other a little fake smile?  And it's a little awkward, but over soon enough?

Well, I like those social graces that others may not be so into...because I'm a little ticked right now since this lady almost bumped me over while we were walking and never bothered to give me the fake smile.  And at that proximity, you'd think she'd give me an I-don't-really-care "how's it going?"

But nope. 

People are jerks!

Just be fake nice already. 

This is a post from Steve's blog...he's an amazing writer.  He's also a pastor and his thoughts, usually short and poignant, never cease to impact me.  As a citizen of a wealthy, western country, I often have issues with my appearance (I mean, I don't have to worry about where food or shelter are coming from, so why not obsess about my butt?).  Some things that I wish were bigger.  Stuff that I wish was smaller.  I'm sure you do too...that's why I'm borrowing from Steve today.  I think you should go visit him when you get a chance, I know you'll be blessed.

Most people dislike something about their appearance. 

It might be their feet, or their height, or weight, or hair, or teeth, or complexion, or hips, or stomach, or chin, or nose, or thighs.

Or it could be two or three or four of those things.

It is not a virtue to think more negatively about our bodies than positively. There is a place for us to keep our weight down. But there is no place for us to dislike what we see in the mirror because the person on TV or on the magazine cover wows us with their picture perfect, rarified face or physique.

We are what we are. And what we are is never to be a mental or emotional distraction from the joy we are to have as Christians.

We verbally abuse ourselves. We belittle the God who formed us. And we spiritually stagnate on the idea that our bodies are more important to our day than making much of Jesus Christ.

Do you have ugly feet? Get over it. As a new creation, our feet are a means to glorify Jesus and not a means of self-pity.

Got ugly feet? Let’s be very grateful we have feet!

So every now and then, I think to myself, “gosh, I am such a dork.” You’re probably thinking that I’m being a bit too hard on myself…that I should lighten up already. Well, hold that thought while I tell you what I did last night.

I put together a summer reading list. That’s right…a reading list.

So anyway, like I was saying, “I am such a dork”. And since I’m sure you’re literally sitting on the edge of your collective seats waiting to read what is on said list…I will keep you waiting no longer.

By the way, they’re in order of how I plan to read them, alternating fiction and non-fiction. I am such a…wait, we’ve gone over that part already.

In The Woods, by Tana French: fiction; an Irish police mystery. It’s about a kid whose friends were murdered who grows up to be a policeman who’s put on another child murder case. All the reviews are great, so I can’t wait to read it.

The Omnivore’s Dilemma, by Michael Pollan: the author explores our food and how we consume it by looking at three different paths. The first is industrial farming, the kind that is subsidized by the government. Second, organic farming…both mom and pop farms as well as the burgeoning industry. The final section goes over what life would be like if we hunted and gathered everything for ourselves.

Cell: A Novel, by Stephen King: I’m the woman who as a little girl would sit shivering in my chair reading King’s novels. Scared to death. Jumping at every little noise…but unable to put the book down. Apparently, this is the thriller of all thrillers for King fans. I can’t wait!

My Father’s Secret War: A Memoir, by Lucinda Franks: it’s the story of the author’s dad as he slips away into dementia. It’s also his story of being a spy in Nazi Germany, pretending to be an SS soldier…and then keeping it a secret for years.

The Dew Breaker, by Edwidge Danticat: another story (this time fictional) about a daughter searching her father’s past and finding a secret. In this one though, the daughter had always thought that her Haitian father was a war hero…turns out he was a violent torturer.

The Audacity Of Hope, by Barack Obama: he talks about his views on faith and politics and how to repair our broken political process.

Sharp Objects, by Gillian Flynn: a psychological thriller that causes a reporter investigating a murder to delve into her own past. Apparently it’s got a great ending, so I’m excited to read this one.

Praying With The Church, by Scot McKnight: as a Protestant, I’m learning a lot about “the church” and one of those things is that they’ve got prayers that they say at certain times so that believers all over the world are praying the same thing at the same time. Since this is new to me, I’m interested to see what I think.

Okay, so that’s the list. Dorky? Possibly. But I still can’t wait to read them all, so who cares?

Do any of y’all have anything you’re wanting to read this summer?

Are you you or who others say you are?

More specifically, am I me or who someone says I am?

If someone calls me pretty, does that mean I’m pretty? After all, we say beauty is in the eye of the beholder. What if they call me ugly? Is lack of beauty in the eye of the beholder as well?

If someone says I’m special, or that I have an enviable talent, or a particular body part that is attractive…does that make it true?

I ask because I’m reading a book that talks about how women see each other. How we are always comparing ourselves to one another. She has great legs. I wish my boobs were more like hers. I love her hair. This book is also about how men use this knowledge. My last girlfriend looked great in miniskirts. My ex-wife looked better in a tank top than you do. I wish your hair was long like that lady’s (*pointing*), I think long hair is so sexy.

Does what I believe about myself shift like the wind?

Why?

Is who I see myself as dependent upon social commentary?

Why?

Where do healthy self-awareness and lack of self esteem cross paths?

Or is it like Popeye said: I am what I am?

I’ve learned that I can refuse to play those catty female games…and I don’t have to stay around for a man’s thinly veiled attempts to devalue me.

After all, I am what I am and who that is...is pretty awesome.

The Bible says that God knows when a sparrow falls to the ground and how many hairs are on my head.  That’s pretty awesome stuff!

So when people say that their problems are too small for God, I wonder what they’re talking about.  I mean, what’s the point in believing in a god that ranks problems…that doesn’t have time for his people?

I actually believe that God cares about the troops fighting to stay alive in Iraq and about my neighbor who’s sad because her cat is really sick.

I believe that God hears the sports team that prays health and safety over its players and the prayers of mom dying of cancer.

I believe that He sees the tears of the rich and the poor.

I believe that He loves folks that go to church every weekend and those trying to figure things out.

I believe that God appreciates the vast landscape as well as the smallest detail.

That’s what makes Him God.

And that’s why I love Him.

It’s awesome when it seems like there’s almost an audible “click”.  When it’s easy.  When conversation flows like a river.  When the laughter is from the belly and not awkward.

It’s amazing when you look at your watch and can’t believe that it’s so late.  You can’t believe it because the time has flown by.  You can’t believe it because there’s another person who appreciates the mundane in life just like you.

It’s exciting to look into someone else’s eyes and see what they see…and that they like it. 

*cue Law & Order music*

I enjoy church, I really do…it’s just that sometimes my mind wanders and I start looking around at the congregation.  This is what I saw.

*cue Law & Order “da dum”*

Oh snap!  I call her this because that’s what I’m thinking (saying, if I know you well enough) when I see her outfit.  She apparently hasn’t changed from being out at the club the night before and has decided that her outfit can multitask.  She’s at church looking for “a good man” and her resume is apparent.  If you’re looking for more references, please see ta and ta.

Sullen teenager.  I actually felt badly for this poor kid.  His mom was in his ear like a boxer on a punching bag:  I can’t believe you fell asleep!  Did you hear what pastor said?  Stand up straight!  Don’t talk to me like that!  The poor kid’s lip was dragging so low, I thought he’d trip over it.  The funny part was his dad was in the background hyping mom up:  Yeah!  You better listen boy!  That’s right!  Hilarious.

Crazy in love.  These are the couples that decide to come to church dressed alike.  This is never a good idea, but for some reason it continues to occur.  She’s got on a plaid skirt suit with white heels and a white hat.  He’s got on the same plaid print, but in a suit.  White ‘gators and white fedora with a feather.  Why do they think we want to see two versions of the same ugly outfit?

Poor thing.  I always feel badly for the moms with the little tykes who scream bloody murder in service.  Partly because some folks shoot her daggers with their eyes and the poor thing is just trying to get the kid to be quiet.  But mostly because she can’t get the kid to be quiet. 

I love my church!