Are You There God? It's Me, Dawn

It got to the point where I just stopped asking him about himself.

I wasn’t asking anything too personal…the normal stuff you ask a guy when you’re just starting out dating.  Except his answers were anything but typical.

So…do you have any brothers or sisters?  Not anymore, they were all killed in a war.

Are you close to your parents?  I was…but they were killed in that same war.

Oh, how’d you get that scar on your arms?  That’s where they tried to burn me alive.

*rendered speechless*

This was the guy I dated from Sierra Leone…the place where the movie Blood Diamond is set.

Even though it didn’t work out with him, I vowed then and there to never wear a diamond.  Not to make anyone feel guilty, but I just don’t see the value in buying a gem that has sustained and will continue to sustain such death.  Plus, (and I’m not typically a conspiracy theory person, but I will be here) the diamond industry has concocted this whole “diamonds are super rare and you poor schlepps should spend three months salary on this chick you love” attitude.

After my experiences with this guy and watching the movie…I just don’t want one.  Not even one that’s supposed to be conflict-free.  I just really don’t think you can be sure.

*climbing down off of my soapbox* 

Anyhoo…at the very least, go rent the movie and decide for yourself.

…a man that’s sincere

…a man that’s honest

…a man that’s open

…a man that’s ready

…a man that’ll be there when I need him

…a man that’ll be there when I want him

…a man that’ll hold me when I’m sad

…a man that’ll laugh with me

…a man that’ll workout with me

…a man that’ll talk to me

…a man that understands me

…a man that’ll stay even when he doesn’t

…a man that values me

…a man that appreciates me

…a man that’ll let me be me

UCLA.  Ohio State.  Georgetown.  Florida.

I picked the Final Four correctly!  Yay! 

Lately, I’ve been beating myself up about the things in my life that aren’t going as planned. I think it’s so much easier to pick out the things that I don’t do well, or should do better at, or have completely failed at…rather than the things that I do pretty well.

After listening to a great sermon this morning, I realize that I’ve got to focus more on the positive side of things…because, quite honestly, I’m pretty good at a lot of things. If you were to see my journal (which you never will, by the way), you’d see a long list of what I suck at, but enough already, that’s gotta stop! So to counter that, I want to write a list of things that I’m fabulously good at:

*loving God

*eating healthily

*working out like a champ

*coaching youngsters in athletics

*teaching students each day

*getting along with my coworkers

*loving my family…no matter what

*having fun with my friends

*dressing beautifully…whether casual or sassy

*cooking well

*being fun to be around

*baking the world’s best cookies

*decorating with flair and style

*cleaning…seriously, I love it

*thinking before I speak

*reading lots…magazines as well as serious literature

*putting on a great face…sometimes makeup is a girl’s best friend

*dancing…stereotypical I know, but I am good

*keeping in contact with old friends

*listening…I’m the person you want around when you’re telling a story. If it’s funny, I’ll laugh uncontrollably. If it’s sad, I’ll empathize. If it’s happy, I’ll genuinely share your joy

*relaxing…I’m a big believer in this! All work and no play sucks…relax already! Go to a coffee shop, read a paper, people watch…fabulous!

*having faith…a lot in my life leads me to question what my eyes see...so I have faith. It’s what keeps me going.

You'll never guess what I saw this morning at my gym!

Go ahead...guess.

(Did you guess yet?)

Okay...it was a Walkman.  Nope, not an MP3 player.  Not a Discman.  A Walkman...that requires cassette tapes. 

As Joey used to say on Blossom:  "Whoa!" 

I’m not afraid of much.  I’ve always prided myself in being a try-er…a do-er. 

But coming into the new year, I realized that I’d become a cautious shell of my former self.  After some serious self-reflection, I saw that I was afraid to trust people with my heart.

Whether it was not wanting to get too close with people from work, being afraid to make friends, or being amazingly leery of giving my heart to a man…I’d manage to provide plenty of bricks for the wall around my life.

I think I can figure out why.

I used to work in a profession where I spent basically every waking moment at work (besides showering and brushing my teeth), so we were all a bit too involved in each others lives…so I guess I decided with my new job, I wouldn’t let that happen.

I once had a great friend, we kicked it hard and really had a bunch in common.  After a few months, she got mad and stopped talking to me.  It broke my heart…it was almost like a breakup with a guy.  So I guess I decided to keep ladies at arms length so that I wouldn’t have to go through that again.

I’ve only given my heart to two men in all my years…both of them ended up hurting me.  So I guess I decided to stop trusting men with my heart in order to keep it whole.

But I can’t let the past dictate my future, right?

At some point I’ve got to live life…and that means I’ve got to step out and take a risk.

It’s scary, but vital.

I’ve got to stop avoiding people and start experiencing them.

Back in the day, Whodini had a song that asked, “Friends!  How many of us have them?”

That’s a great question.  I’m not one to have tons of friends.  I may have lots of acquaintances…but actual friends.  Not many.

Friends stick around through thick and thin.  Through closeness and miles.

They’re the people I can count on…really and truly.

They’re the ones I call when you’ve got news…the good stuff and the bad.

I can get all dolled up and kick it with friends…but I can have just as much fun staying in and watching a movie and chatting with friends.

My friends and I can have just as much fun doing nothing as we have doing something.

There is something special about friends that stand the test of time…that have been around for years.

There is something amazing about a great friend you haven’t seen in a while…but it’s like the two of you just picked up right where you left off.

Friends truly are a gift from God…a real life blessing.

And I thank Him that He’s blessed me with friends.

I’m sitting here watching the cut show for American Idol (I know…I’m one of them) and listening to Diana Ross sing. 

Here’s what I think the judges would say if that actually could:

Randy:  ummm…*shakes head*…I just wasn’t feelin’ it tonight man.  You were pitchy in spots and seemed to be out of breath by the end of the song.  Not your best effort.

Paula:  Well!  The positive thing is that you look beautiful tonight and your hair is big!  It wasn’t a bad performance…just be aware of your song choice. *definitive head nod that lets everyone know she’s finished talking*

Simon:  *sits back in chair dramatically and crosses arms*  That was just awful.  *audience boos*  Yeah, yeah, they may boo, but that was terrible.  I don’t understand what you were thinking with that arrangement and your pitch was all over the place.  And you look like a peacock with all of that hair.  *more booing from the audience*

Ryan:  well Diana, what do you think of their comments? 

Diana:  they’re entitled to their opinions, but I really liked that song and I’m happy I got a chance to sing it on television.  And I like my big hair.

Simon:  *some snide comment under his breath*

Ryan: *something sassy back to Simon*

Diana forces a smile while reminding the viewers that she's number six (*holds up fingers to camera*) for voting. 

I've been listening to all the hubbub over the NCAA basketball tournament and I've figured out that there are three different ways to say that word.

Tore-nament.

Tour-nament.

Ter-nament. 

So how do you say it? 

So I had an amazing day yesterday!

First of all, it was the first day of spring break, so…how can much have gone wrong?

Anyhoo, I finally went to get my nails and eyebrows done first thing in the morning and the ladies were so nice to me.  They kept complimenting me on my hair and telling me how pretty it was.  Then they asked if I worked out everyday because, according to them, I have a great figure.  I walked out of there like I had clouds for shoes instead of the beat up flip flops that I wore.

Then I went to get a dress for the night since a bunch of us from work were planning on going dancing later.  I tried one on and a lady was like, “that dress looks amazing on you…you have to get it!”  So I did.

Do you hear the sound of my head inflating yet?

Fast forward to later that evening.  A bunch of us drove together to the club to go dancing.  I had my money all ready for the cover charge…but I didn’t have to pay.  I was the only one in our group who didn’t have to pay.  Apparently I was looking sassy enough to warrant free entry.

The band was incredible!  They played all sorts of oldies:  Chaka, Aretha, Luther…you name it.

But after shaking my booty all night long in heels, I could’ve used those clouds from earlier in the day.