Are You There God? It's Me, Dawn

One of the things about being with family over the holidays is the adjustment of routine tasks...like talking on the phone.

Typically something I don't think too much about...at the fam's, it's a spectator sport.  

I got a call the other night and instead of being rude and talking in the living room where everyone was watching tv, I went to the kitchen to chat.  Well, my six-year old (now seven) niece followed me with a string of questions.  I tried to ignore her, whisper to her to go back into the living room...I think she thought the whole thing was pretty funny.

The 80th time that she asked me who I was talking to, I finally started answering her questions:

Niece: who are you talking to?

Me: a friend

Niece:  a girl friend or a boy friend?

Me:  a boy friend

Niece:  *loudly* you have a boyfriend?! 

Me:  *hears the snickers from the living room* no, he's a friend who's also a boy

Niece: do you want him to be your boyfriend?

Me: *sigh* sweetie, don't you have anything else to do?  A toy or...something?

Niece:  do I know him?

Me: no

Niece: are you sure?

Me: yep, you don't even know him a teenie, tiny, little bit

Niece:  does he know me?

Me:  nope

Niece:  how old is he?

Me: older than you

Niece:  *giggling* I know that...how old is he? 

Me: *frantically searching for somewhere else to chat on the phone*  Um...I don't know

Niece: yes you do! where are you going?! *following me*

That's when her mom graciously rescued me from my inquisitor.  She's tough, that little one...I'll have to be better prepared next time.

She's also the cutest little girl I've ever seen, so I guess I'll forgive her...but just this once.   

I'm happy to be home!  Christmas turned out to be more stressful than I'd originally imagined. 

While I was anticipating cussing and yelling, there was only silence and talk through clenched teeth.

I was hoping for honesty, but only got fake smiles and "everything's gonna be alright". 

So I came home early. 

Probably not the best thing...but it's the single thing to do, right?  I mean, I live by myself so I don't have to share my living space, my head, or my heart with anyone if I choose not to.  Believe me, I understand that running away to my comfort zone isn't a very mature response.

I actually worry that my single life is only teaching me to be selfish...with my time, with my heart, with my emotions.

Oddly enough, after talking with the wife of the cheating hubbie (see previous post), it seems that they were having similar issues...of selfishness, I mean.  I suppose I never thought that married folks had to deal with that sort of stuff.  I guess I just assumed that both people tried hard to share as much of themselves as they could. 

Turns out he lived a life that he chose to keep hidden from her, that he kept his feelings under lock and key, and was only physically present in their home...rarely emotionally.

The negative outcome for me (because, selfishly enough, it's always about me *sigh*) is that I worry that when I do get married, that I'll end up doing some stupid crap like this guy.

The positive outcome for me is that I have now become the most patient person on Earth in terms of wanting to be married. 

And since I could use a little positivity in my life, let's end this with the positive outcome. 

I look at him and he looks the same.  Sounds the same.  Walks the same.  Smiles the same.

But he's not the same.

I just found out a family member has been cheating on his wife.  It was totally unexpected and completely shocking.  In my mind, I think that cheaters are bad guys with bad morals who come from bad families.

But I know and love this guy.  He's a good guy.  He has morals that he's trying to instill in his kids.  And he's in my family for goodness sakes. 

I'm having a hard time lining the two up in my head...good guy vs. bad thing.

*sigh*

Up until now, it's been so easy for me to stand on my soapbox and say how horrible those kinds of guys are...now I see that they're not horrible.

They're family. 

It's the little things that make me appreciate God so much. Obviously, I need the big stuff...but the small stuff is pretty awesome too:

getting the last parking spot

a good cup of coffee

little kid's laughter

a crisp afternoon with a clear sky

good music

my wireless card

the smell of cookies baking

eating the cookie dough

a genuine smile

a hearty laugh

a meaningful hug

So in this Christmas season, I continue to be observant of all the little things that make me smile...because it's those daily encounters that confirm my belief that God is indeed a good God.

Merry Christmas y'all!

So I just got back from the mall.  Yes…I went to the mall four days before Christmas and lived to tell the tale.

Fortunately I’m all finished with my shopping, but I went just to take in the holiday cheer.  While out and about today, I came up with some do’s and don’t’s for crunch time shopping.

Do wear comfortable shoes.  You’re gonna be walking a bunch, this isn’t the time to bust out the heels and strut your stuff.  You’ll start the day looking like a runway model and end up walking like a three-legged dog.

Speaking of being prepared to walk far, don’t waste your time trying to find the closest parking spot.  You’ll waste precious shopping time circling around and stalking innocent folks just trying to get into their car.  Instead of searching for that mythical parking spot, just park at a distance…you’ll need to work off the calories from all of the crap you’ll eat during day.

While we’re talking about parking lots…do slow your roll!  Yeah, you.  There are approximately eight million mothers trying to pack away approximately twenty million babies into their minivans.  They actually want their children to live beyond age two, so don’t speed through the lots please.

Saying that, don’t absentmindedly walk down the middle of the rows.  There are a bunch of husbands out there who have yet to buy a present.  They’re stressed out and their backs are against the wall.  They won’t notice that they’ve hit you…they’ll think you were a speed bump.  They won’t stop.

It’s inevitable.  You’ll eat too many Mrs. Field’s cookies, drink too many lattes, and enjoy more nasty mall food than you’ll care to remember in the next few days.  Do embrace the holiday shopping gut-rot which is a direct byproduct of aforementioned crap food.

Finally, you’ve got to figure out who is and is not a shopping liability.  Don’t bring Grandma Edna, she’s gonna get lost in the shuffle and slow you down.  But do bring Auntie Myrtle because she’s got a cane…that could come in handy when battling with another at-their-wits-end shopper.  Don’t bring little Suzie if she’s still walking on wobbly legs...you’ll be annoyed, as will those folks behind you.  I think you do bring baby Anthony though, that stroller can make a lot of room and keep folks from invading your space.

Hope this helps and happy shopping!

Since I know you were too lazy to actually click on the link from yesterday's post, here's my fave article from LarkNews.

German travel agency issues Evangelical English dictionary

BONN, Germany — It was becoming a common annoyance. Curious German tourists were visiting evangelical churches in the U.S., and had no idea what was being said. A German travel agency finally issued a 55-page Evangelical English Dictionary which sells thousands of copies a month to Germans vacationing in the U.S.
    "I think I speak English pretty well," said Lerner Bosch, 33, from Frankfurt. "But I was clueless sitting there in that pew [in a Nazarene church in Minot, North Dakota]. Then my wife handed me the phrase translator and the whole service started making sense."
    Bosch found himself in the foyer shaking hands and receiving first-time visitor brochures from greeters. When a man slapped his back and said, "God bless you, brother," Bosch used his phrase translator and responded, "Amen, brother. God bless you." Another woman told him that with Jesus, "whatever you've done is under the blood." Bosch went pale momentarily before looking up the phrase and finding it means "everything's cool, so forget about the past."
    "At first I thought she was talking about Germany's history in the World Wars, and I was embarrassed," he said. "Then I realized she was telling me to take it easy. That was much nicer. Without the translator, it could have been a moment of cultural misunderstanding."
    Lerner told the woman, "Leave it at the cross," which the book translates as, "Don't sweat it." He also gave her the "hang loose" sign.
    "In German schools, they teach you mainstream English, but not this wonderful dialect," said Bosch's wife, Gira, 34.
    They are thinking of starting an evangelical English club back in Frankfurt.
    "My friends are involved in groups where they dress up in knickers and speak old-style German, but I find this American sub-culture more fascinating," Lerner said. "Some of us in Frankfurt are going to dress up like evangelical church people and use our phrase books."

Check out LarkNews.com...it's really funny!  It's satirical like The Onion, but it's about the church.

There's an advice column called Missionary Position...where folks can ask questions of a missionary out in the field. 

A really funny article about C & E Christians. 

They sell t-shirts that say in big, bold letters:  Jesus Loves You!...then in smaller print:  but then again, He loves everybody.

Great stuff!

Finding Nemo is hilarious...like laugh out loud funny.

It's got a great cast, but my favorite character is Dory. She's the forgetful fish in the movie and the unlikely adventure partner of Nemo's dad.

The sweetest part of the movie isn't when Nemo and his dad are reunited, but when Dory realizes that she's a better fish with the dad than without him.

In a weird, roundabout way, that's how I feel about God. I suppose it's possible to go through life without Him, but I know I'm a better person with Him.

You see, my back can feel bowed and broken under the weight of judgement...the weight of other Christian's expectations.

My fingers are figuratively cut and bruised through my efforts to live up to a set of rules that are not God's, but man's poor efforts to control one another.

My heart hurts as others confuse lack of living with holy living...a painted on clown smile confused with real emotion.

So Dory reminded me in her awesome and funny way that I need God to make my life better. Without Him, I float aimlessly and unproductively.

God doesn't promise that because I believe in Him that my life will be without struggle...but He does promise to be there with me through it all.

And like Dory, I see the value in having a Friend that makes life better, but not only that...makes me want to have a better life.

It's the skanky girl myspace pose. Or the pinup girl on the calendar in the mechanic's garage. Or the video vixen look.

Back to camera, butt poked out, looking back at the viewer.

I experienced this firsthand yesterday...multiple times actually. Her name is Elle...and she's my friend's dog.

Elle was so excited to see me that she let me pet her neck and shoulders initially. But once she finally calmed down, she'd ram her butt onto my legs, demanding some luvin'. I, of course, was happy to oblige since I don't have any animals of my own.

But the funniest thing was the fact that she'd watch me while I was petting her. So there she was, rear end displayed prominantly, staring at me. It was really one of the funnier scenes I've been a part of.

If I stopped petting her, she'd bring her head back around to make sure I was still paying attention, then swing that booty back around, like, "you know what to do."

But again, it's the lookback that was killing me. Priceless.

I told my friend her doggy should make a myspace page...she'd be sure to make lots of friends.

There are two foods that I would request for my last meal if I were on death row.

Nope, not lobster.  Not caviar.  Definitely not foie gras.  Not even the best cut of prime rib or beef tenderloin.

What are they, you ask?  Bacon and ice cream. 

But since I'd be on death row, I'm sure I'd have to be more specific.  I'd ask for specialty turkey bacon (not that yucky pressed meat stuff they sell at the regular grocery) and sweet cream ice cream. 

If you've not had sweet cream flavored ice cream, then you're missing out!  It's the base for most ice creams, so it's not vanilla.  It's just creamy goodness!

So if you're ever at a loss for what to get me for a gift...now you'll never have to stress your brain again!

Mmmmm...ice cream and bacon.